Family Matters – We don't want to end up in court. What are our options?
If your relationship is coming to an end, one of the first things you may dread is the idea of court. You picture the standoff, the formality, the sense of winners and losers, and you wonder how a family is ever supposed to recover from all that. So let us start with the most reassuring thing we can tell you: for most couples, it does not come to that.
In England and Wales, court is a last resort, not a starting point. The law expects separating couples to try to resolve matters between themselves first, with the right support, and most do exactly that. There is a whole range of ways to settle your finances and agree the arrangements for your children without a judge ever deciding for you. The real question is usually not whether you can stay out of court, but which route out of court is right for you.
"The courtroom is almost never the best room to be in when you are trying to rebuild a family. Most of what people dread about separating comes from imagining a battle, and most of the time a battle simply is not necessary. Our first job is always to find the calmest route that still protects you and the people you love."
William Hogg, Joint Head of Family Law
Here are the main ones.
Solicitor-led negotiation
Your solicitor works towards an agreement on your behalf, speaking or corresponding with your former partner's solicitor. A great many separations are settled this way, quietly and constructively, without either of you ever setting foot in a courtroom.
Mediation
A trained, neutral mediator helps the two of you reach your own decisions together, in a calm and structured setting. It usually begins with a MIAM, a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, where the mediator explains how the process works and whether it suits your circumstances. You stay in control of the outcome, and you can take legal advice alongside it at every stage. This is an area of real strength for us, and for many families it is the gentlest and most effective way through.
Collaborative law
You and your former partner each have your own collaboratively trained lawyer, and you all sit round the same table to work things through face to face. Everyone signs up, in writing, to resolving matters without going to court, which keeps the whole process focused on finding solutions rather than scoring points.
Private FDR
For financial matters, you can appoint an experienced family barrister or solicitor to act as a private "judge" for the day. They hear both sides and give a frank, expert view of how a court would be likely to decide. That honest steer often unlocks a settlement, and it happens on your timetable rather than the court's.
Family arbitration
You appoint a qualified arbitrator to make a binding decision on your case, whether it concerns your finances or the arrangements for your children. Think of it as a private court: you choose who decides and when, and their decision is final.
Early neutral evaluation
An experienced, neutral expert looks at your situation and gives an honest view of the likely outcome, before positions harden. Sometimes a clear, early steer is all it takes to bring everyone closer together and avoid months of difficulty.
So which route is right for you?
There is no single right answer, and the best route depends on you. A few questions usually point the way. How well can you and your former partner still talk to one another? Do you want to shape your own agreement, or would you rather someone made a decision for you? Is everything agreed apart from one stuck issue, or are you starting from further apart? How quickly do you need certainty?
Safety matters too. Where there has been abuse, or a serious imbalance of power, some of these routes are not appropriate, and we will always tell you so honestly and help you find one that protects you.
Part of what we do is help you weigh all of this up and choose well, and to change course if your circumstances change. You are not locked into one path.
"People are often surprised by how much can be settled around a table rather than in front of a judge. Choosing the right route early, whether that is mediation, a collaborative meeting or something else, tends to shape how the whole process feels, and how quickly you are able to move on."
Camilla Hooper, Family lawyer and mediator
What a good outcome looks like
A good outcome is rarely about winning. It is an arrangement you can both live with, children shielded from the conflict between the adults who love them, and a settled foundation to co-parent or simply move on. Court remains available as a backstop, and now and then it is genuinely the right and necessary route. But for most families it is the last option, not the first, and reaching a fair resolution without it tends to leave everyone in a better place.
That is the whole idea behind our approach. We are known for resolving disputes rather than inflaming them, and for keeping families out of court wherever that is the right thing to do. Our aim is never simply to get you through a hard time, but to help you through it well, with less conflict and the people you love protected.
If you would like to talk it through
Whatever stage you are at, a short, no-pressure conversation with our family and mediation team can help you see the calmest way forward. We are here to help you find the right route for your situation.
Email enquiries@lauruslaw.co.uk or call 020 3146 6300 to arrange a confidential chat.
About Family Matters
Some of the hardest decisions any of us face are about family, and they tend to arrive with a great deal of worry and very little clear information. Family Matters answers a real question in each edition, from the first weeks of a separation to finances, children and building a life afterwards, so you know what the law says, what your options are, and what a good outcome can look like. It comes from a family and mediation team known for resolving disputes rather than inflaming them, and for keeping families out of court wherever that is the right thing to do.
